Party with your fears

Right now I am too emotional

Time is moving so fast

I can't do anything to stop it 

Or at least to slow it down

I just want to cry it out 

I can't do that either

I don't know why

You know, it's a feeling

I just can't explain

It comes when I am alone

I feel many things at the same time

Helpless and hopeless

As if I am all alone

The first time I felt this was

When I was in prison in Greece

Yeah, I was in a prison

I did not do anything wrong though

Or did I ?

Maybe we all did, my family

What am I saying...

We escaped from a place

Where we felt like we did not belong

The thing is 

I don't have

A belonging sense 

Anymore...

This might be the reason

Why I feel so alone

Hopeless and helpless

Because I don't belong anywhere.

I don't belong with my family,

I don't belong to any country,

I do not belong to anybody.

It's just me; myself

I don't even belong to myself.

What am I saying...

I escape from the reality

I have a family

I have friends and loved ones

But then, WHY?

Why do I feel this?

This feeling.

I just CANNOT 

F*cKiNg ExpLaIN!!!

I will maybe try again.

Maybe I can associate it

With something normal...

You know that feeling

When you watch a series

Then you watch the final episode ever

You got a weird feeling

As if someone you care about died

This is it

The feeling I have in me...

Not that someone I care about died

But that feeling when something is finished

Forever, and ever

My brain can't process that

Maybe this is it

Maybe I feel like I can't go to Turkey anymore

As if I will never see my relatives there

Or neither see the same race as me

All gathered

I think I need a feeling of belonging

But I don't think I will ever have that

So I just have to learn how to

dance with it...

If my brain can't process that;

If I think too much

I will dance in the dark

All alone

completely silent

My five senses are gone

I am 

Just there

Existing

Partying with my fears...