I like looking at the world with others' point of view..
Maybe I should write some lyrics about that...
Looking at the world
Thinking about millions of people
Every one of them has a different life
I feel so tiny in this mess
Not always..but sometimes
Especially when i am in a crowd
If you ask me where i feel the most alone
I feel most alone in a crowd of people
Where there are people maybe i have seen or maybe not
I know almost nothing about them
It makes me feel tiny, insignificant and insecure..
I never tell this to people though...
People who think they know me think i am confident
In their pov. I am confident, brave, determined, hard-worker, sarcastic and so on...
They don't actually know me
Because i don't really show who i am
But who am i if i show them the other me?
The one who is always afraid, anxious with zero confidence...
It would be lame to show the vulnerable person in me...
People can use it against me
In this concrete jungle
I have to survive somehow
That is why i "act" as if i am confident
But actually i don't have a clue about
What i am doing in the moment...
Sometimes people judge me
They say "don't be so confident! you don't know everything! you can't solve everything!"
Yeah they say, but they don't know
I am a good actor
I act as if i am a character from a movie
*She has confidence..she can do anything*
But actually i don't think like that
I think i am nothing
I think i am a loser
I think also that i sometimes get too swept away with the acting that i actually become that person
But no
I want to find the balance
Litteraly
My motto is
"If you want something to be done, first believe that its possible, second act like you are a 100% sure and then stand up!"
I do this every day
From the morning when i don't wanna wake up...
Untill the night when i can't fall asleep...
I say "yeah, it will be a good day cuz i say so!" Or i say "heheee, sleeep...my old enemy! I hate that i need you but you're sweet..yeah so let me sleep a little bit...ZzzzZzz"
If you are not confident, who is?
How do leaders lead their team?
How does people make desicions?
I do it with acting...and i guess everyone got a little actress in their hearts...
For me, this is actually exactly the reason why I see you as a brave person. You are open and not scared to be vulnerable (even more so throughout the years I've known you.) Real courage is moving forward EVEN when you're scared, insecure or don't have the strength. With courage, I think "fake it 'till you make it" is a actually good strategy. Take the steps before your head and heart are truly in it and they too will come along after. Remember thart you matter to many people and I love you <3
ReplyDeleteThank you <3
Delete"I was ashamed of myself when i realized life was a costume party; and I attended with my real face." -Franz Kafka
ReplyDeleteLife is in many ways a costume party, we put on makeup and dresses and do our hair in different ways to look how we want to be perceived by other people. People mostly see what you show them about yourself, and in turn, you mostly see what they show you about themselves. If you show yourself as brave, people think you are. You say you act brave but you are not, are you sure? you are the one acting, you are the one being brave. what separates how you act from who you are? isn't it brave to admit that you are insecure? isn't it brave to act brave even though you are scared? the only people who believe in themselves 100% without doubt, who are brave without being insecure, who actually think they are right all the time, are narcissists. people who have an abnormal high view of themselves. people who think of themselves as gods, who think they can never do anything wrong. they are living a comfortable but destructive lie. a false reality. as you know we should search for the truth. we think self-doubt is inherently bad for us and of no use. but actually its healthy if you dont let it control you or eat you up. its
wow that was long hahsa
ReplyDeleteYeah...you are right actually...
ReplyDelete