from now on I let the boiling water burn my body

The boiling water is running 

Now I understand 

Why adults like it

It hurts but I like to suffer

I like that the water is so hot

that it stings 

So that I can punish myself

For doing things that I wasn't supposed to

For not being patient 

For my existence

For my appearance 

For my voice and my eyes

For not loving myself as I am

For not doing things I was supposed to do

Like being patient and listening more

or just standing quiet and going with the flow

For some reason

I can't do that

I HAVE to BE me all the time

I Just cant have superficial friends

People who i casually talk to, NO

None.

But why?

And again Why even spend time writing about it?

When I can just paint, play guitar, or read books...

I was in love, but now It hurts again...

And I know that It's my fault and my pain,

so I will deal with it as an adult

With Ignoring the truth, until it ends.