Monday, June 24, 2024

Why so negative

I just want your love and comfort
But the only thing you tell me is 
It will get worse tomorrow
You are okay now but you will get worse
I look at her eyes, and gosh. 
She doesn't even understand me.

I was just happy for a moment, 
Then I asked him if it was okay
He said no.
What if.... he said and then what if.. this and that, 
THIS AND THAT AND THIS AND THAT AND THIS AND-
NeGative, negaTive, negatiVe, NegativE, NEGATIVE!!!!

Loking at my ceiling
Why am I not happy
Why do I have to pretend
What happened today
I laughed but I was angry
I laughed my guts out
Out loud as hell
What was that
What's happening to me

Am I a puppet
Was I?
Did I make a scene 
Or was I myself there
Am I myself here?

What if.. THIS AND THAT AND-
Positive, positive, positive,positive, POSITIVE!!!
Maybe not all NEGATIVE all the time?
no.
U R NAIVE.
No, I am not
Yes U R and U don't even know the world
NO I do know
NO U think U know but the only thing U should know is that U know nothing!
....
....
...
..
.

But I know one thing...
what..?
If I am not a robot here, laying 
It is because I can feel...
Even if I feel bad
Terrible
Disgusting
Whatever
Like nothing
You CANT make me loose hope
I feel hope and I hope it will find me
Maybe the only one I need love and comfort from
Is myself?



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