Saturday, August 17, 2024

Sometimes I just wanna let it go
I wanna be depressed
I don't really wanna be like this no
Let me explain it better
I just wanna wear a hijab 
And do everything that my religion says
And just be unhappy
Just live with it
So that I can go to heaven
And live happily ever after
I just wanna die actually
So that I don't need to see 
The suffer and the unhappiness
I'm tired and sick of it

Friday, August 16, 2024

Oh to be in love with a poet!

Oh? How is it to be loved by a poet? you ask.

Well. Maybe she won't scream "I love you"

but she will write her guts out to the world

She will observe every little detail about you

She will love you, with your flaws and all


You will be surprised and ask yourself

"do I deserve her?" and the right answer is

"If she is writing about you, you deserve her!"

Because poets won't fall in love with normal people

She will fall in love with the one who is deep

Very deep, and dark. Like the Pacific Ocean


You deserve her if she writes about you

'Cause from all of the people she chose you

She chose your hazy-looking prehnite eyes

She chose your opinions and your perspective

she chose your way of doing things

while she always does what she wants herself


Oh to be loved by a poet!

That passion, that romanticism, that hearth

It is very rare, and if you catch it

Hold on as long as you can

Because even if she dies

You will never die


You will live in her poetry

You will hide in her words, in her world

You won't be forgotten very easily

If she LOVES you with HER HEART¨

You will know it from the way she writes

it will be a unique and timeless romance

'Cause in her heart you will always have a place


Wednesday, August 7, 2024

I've come to realize something

I really don't know what love is

'Cause all my life I've been

in love with the tiniest things 


Like a little girl's sweet smile

like a boy's generosity

like a lady's help for an old women

and the old women's smile back at her


like a bird singing like she is in a choir

or a cat's sudden look at me

like the rain's sound and earthy smell

or a cloudy day's laziness


like the sunny day's memories 

like a girl's dancing to a song

like a boy's look at me in the eyes

like sweet and soft hugs 


like lovers look at each other

like a woman on a balcony

drinking coffee and watching around

like a little cute  laugh of a boy


like the bus drivers waving

to another bus driver

like everyone who is themselves

without anything that stops them

when in reality there are obstacles

but they are mentally brave enough to fight them


for me, 

love is in everyone I've seen

and in every place I've been

I always felt and still feel like

I left some part of me

in everyone I've seen

and in every place I've been

But I've come to realize that

I also found myself in them

That's why I think love

is everywhere

but only people who are brave enough to feel it

can see and find it

Maybe I am just not brave enough anymore.

Friday, August 2, 2024

alone

Today is the day
My parents will leave me
And from now on 
I will live on my own
I am excited but
Also sad
I have so many mixed feelings 
I wanna cry but 
I wanna party too
I am very happy and relieved
But also depressed 

I guess I will get used to it
I think i will...

Tuesday, July 30, 2024

Every time I am on an airplane
I feel like this time it will crush
And my life will end
I am not that afraid of dying
But it would be sad 
Because I will be studying this semester
I have so many future plans
I have so much hope for so many things
I wanna at least have an old friend
Like a grandma to me
I just wanna meet at a park
I just hope this pilot knows what he is doing
And hope that a terror group won't take over 

Monday, July 15, 2024

Family business

Today was tough
I needed to make desicions
And then take action
But I didn't know what to do 
And i  worried and worried
Actually, probably for nothing

I went outside, to the balcony
It was afternoon
And then my cousin (10) came after
And he was all smiling, I was grumpy
I knew he wanted to play volleyball
He was bored of all these adult things
That we talked about all day with my parents
I didn't know but I too was, bored...

Then I looked at him
And he looked at me
He went inside
I turned around 
Began to think
WAIT A DAMN SECOND
I AM DOING THE SAME THING MY OLDER COUSINS DID
WHICH I'D PROMISED I WOULDN'T DO TO MY YOUNGER COUSINS WHEN I GROW UP
I now understood why they were sad or angry
And that these times were tough
But my cousin will never be 10 again!!
He will grow too...

I run straigt to him, to his room
I opened the door, very ironically slowly
He looked at me, sad
I slowy closed the door.....BUT then opened it very fast and WIDE and jumped to him
And said "yeah, wanna go and play volleyball? We can take our brothers with us too." 
He was so happy
We played, and then went swimming
I was lauging and smiling all the time

When I went home my dad was stressed
And I wasn't 
It stressed HIM
So I began to stress again
We argued, and I said 
"No, I'm not gonna be like this anymore
Like YOU
I wanna be smiling and not worrying too much
I don't wanna think about this (Ikea, bed, school) anymore
We did everything we can, and now we wait 'till tomorrow
Tomorrow will show us!
And please act with patience
Cuz I don't have patience to be anxious anymore"

I wish I had cousins like me
Mine would be sad, and go to their room
Then I would be sad
And no one would cheer me up...

Tuesday, July 9, 2024

BrUh...JEEzzzZzzZZZ

Why am I having an identity crisis?
Why am I having an identity crisis?
Why am I having an identity crisis?
Why am I having an identity crisis?
Why am I having an identity crisis?
Why am I having an identity crisis?
Why am I having an identity crisis?
Why am I having these thoughts?
Why am I having these thoughts?
Why am I like this, this, like this?
Like, why do I like girls?
Why do I like girls?
Why do I like boys?
Why do I hate boys?
Why do I like and hate boys?
Why do I love girls and boys at the same time?
Am I not old enough to have figured these things out?
I am bi, and people should accept it, but I can't even accept it myself!
Because I hate that people will hate me!
If they see me kissing a girl for example!
Most people will hate me...
My relatives will...
Others, the society, and then
In the end, I will hate me...
I felt that before...
Other people staring
Looking disgusted
Talking from my back
Hating me from my back
For no reason
But now high school is history
And college is a mystery
And this summer is a gift
And its a present...
I shouldn't worry about these things
This summer I will have fun
I will try to find out who I am
Who I really am
I will have a lot of time in collage
To find out who I am and
Some ethical dilemmas later
Maybe I will find out
But untill then
Im a confused girl
Who likes to say Bruh and jeez
XDXDXDXD

Have had Enough

I have these dreams where I don't die  but get close to. So-called nightmares. There are times I drown I explode from an atomic bomb I t...