Drugs are undeniable...

I remember that i compared love with drugs. I am afraid to experience it again. Today I may have did what I was afraid of, falling in love...

i am still afraid, and I actually tried not to fall in love multiple times today but no, love was just unpredictable and happened without my permission. 

There was a party a little far away from my home. It actually took one hour to drive there. We went to my friend's birthday party first, and after that party, there was another "party" (alcohol included). We were there from 9 pm to 11. 30 pm, but it felt like many more hours. 

The birthday party was nice. We went laser tagging and then ate some pizza. After that, we went shopping, and then drove to the other "party" at 8 pm. It took a while for us to find the place, but we finally did it.

We started socializing and having fun. I was dancing, and there was a fireplace, it was quite lovely, to be honest. 

Suddenly i saw him. Coming towards me, with his beautiful gray eyes. He started asking names of the people, and suddenly asked my name. He remembered me, he paid much more attention to my name and its pronunciation than others' names. I can not explain exactly how it is, but i can try to compare that feeling with other things in life. 

You feel some kind of connection as if it was two magnets pulling each other and the connection is irresistible. If i could explain it in three words, it would be; electricity, happiness and shock. 

As time went I was shocked that he was talking to me, and even paying attention about what i was talking about. I paid of course attention to him too, because that is who i am, but never have i met a guy who did that in this way.

 I was fascinated.

Suddenly, the only thing i wanted to do was being with him... hugging him... Talking about random shit and actually...kissing?

I didn't feel like that for a year, and it was very weird to be back again with all those feelings. 

I saw him smoking a cigarette. I went to him and talked about the other party at we first met each other. He said that he was gonna greet me at school but he didn't remember my name. I said that I was gonna do the same but I was too shy to do it. We were silent when we were sober at school, but I didn't even try alcohol in my whole life. 

I was not drunk, right? It was actually him, talking to me! 

I hate smoking, because of my mom and some issues that i have experienced when i was little. When i said this to him, he just threw the cigarette away. I was surprised and asked why he did it. He said, "you said you hate sigarettes"... THE FEELING I GOT AT THE SECOND HE SAID THAT, HAD NO EXPLANATION...I HAD TO SPEND A LITTLE MORE TIME BEFORE I UNDERSTOOD WHAT WAS HAPPENING...

I just walked around, hanging out with some other friends. Then i changed the song, i wanted to dance. I started dancing and he came, he danced with me. Like romantically dancing. I was melting inside, and outside i was looking nervous (i suppose XD). He was turning me, and taking me to the left side and the right side... he was controlling the dance, not me. For the first time in my life, I was not in control at all, it was him. And it was like a dream. 

There was a roof, over where the party was going on, so that we wouldn't freeze to death LoL, and people were climbing on the roof. He offered me to climb up.In my head I was like "wow I never met a guy who thinks just like me!!!". Because when we first came to the party place, I really wanted to climb to that roof. 

He lifted me up, and the first second i was on the roof... he hugged me... very tight and comfortably. He was adorable and i was dying inside. then he said "your jacket is very soft", and i said dumbly, "i think everyone hugged me because of that jacket today.." and then he said " sorry if i made you uncomfortable with the hug" and in my head, i was like "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, OMG YOU ARE JUST AMAZING", and I said, "no, no no no it was great, i liked it". Then we went off the roof. 

After that, we talked about deep things... His grandmother (mother's side) died 1 year ago because of cancer and she had dementia... i was shocked... my grandmother (father's side) had diabetes and she also had dementia.. she won't even remember me anymore... 

I felt the connection again, and i was afraid and amazed at the same time.

I don't quite remember what happened, but I remember that we danced one more time and he fell down and just laughed like a child... he was so cute when he was drunk<3 

Before that happened, we went to hang out with our friends and his friend called us lovers... there was a silence, I remember XD I think I got red, ahahaha but hopefully no one saw cuz it was very dark. His friend was drunk too, so he just said everything he had in mind LoL.

For me, it was obvious that he was a drug to me. Oh I loved drugs so much...