Decided to write about my memories, because it looks like I begin to forget many of them as I grow up. I can begin with my memories of my grandmother, from my fathers side.
I was born in Samsun, Turkey. The day I was born, January 3, 2005 as my mother says, it was snowing. All my relatives were there to see me, and my mom. My grandmother was very happy because I was her first grandchild.
After maybe 8 months after my birth, my parents decided to move to Erdek, which is a lovely tiny city by the sea. My mother did not know yet, but she got pregnant with my brother. He was born there, in Erdek. I had a really good time there, I miss it pretty much since 2013.
It was summer break in 2009, and my parents decided that we could travel to Samsun to visit some relatives. We went to my grandmother's house. It was my first time there, as I remember at least. I loved the apartment, and I still remember it. Actually, I can put a picture of it on google maps. It's down below. It is before they moved out from there in 2018.
I have many memories of that balcony... One day i remember my grandmother sitting there, she had some kind of food that she was busy cooking or doing something with it (i don't quite remember, it might be green beans, or Turkish börek or maybe some meat that stinks inside and she cuts it outside) i came to her and asked if i could help. She said yes, and i sat there trying to make the food haha, but end up playing with it. i remember it being a dough, and i made a heart of it, and gave it to my grandmother. She was smiling... i remember her reading the Quran there... i would try to read it too, but it was gibberish to me HAHA, now i thought to myself i can read it...but my grandmother is not here.. she is not dead, don't get me wrong... But we just learned that she has diabetes and alzheimer...
Now when i video chat her, she sees me and the only thing she does is smiling very wide and saying "grandmother do you have any cheese?? cheeseee!!", this is what I used to say to her when I was little. i loved cheese and salami... i still do, but because it's nostalgic and reminds me of my childhood... She won't remember anything from my teenage years, and it makes me so sad i can't explain how much...
some other memories i have with her is that i was bored and was going around the house. Then i saw a picture of a blond boy with blue eyes. He looked like my brother, just a blond version. I looked at the picture closely, there was a village house behind him and trees. My grandmother started explaining before i asked. It was my father's big brother. His name was Sinan (its my brother's name now), and he had died while my grandmother was washing some clothes in boiling water. He fell into the boiling water and died.. he was just around 3 years old. i mourned and was confused. I asked her why she didn't hold him so he would not fall. She just couldn't hold him, i don't remember what she actually said to me. But i remember a picture of the situation (i was used to creating a picture of the stories that were told to me, that's how i memorize for my exams too). In the picture, she is hanging up some clothes that she washed while some of the clothes were still in the boiler. And my uncle as playing with his football, then the football went into the boiling water. He fell into the water by mistake while trying to pick up the ball... I still mourn every time i remember this and see the picture in my mind.. I actually found a very similar picture of him on Pinterest.
Another memory of my grandmother is that I was again bored. Walking around the house, trying to think of some things to do. I then watched a cartoon, i don't remember what it was but there was love. Then it hit me, i wanted to ask my grandmother how she met my grandfather. I asked her, and she said that it was a long and actually a sad story... I was disappointed but anyways wanted to listen.
it was the summer 1960s, and an Islamic holiday, When the children go around to the neighbors in the village and pick some candy ;P (its kinda like Halloween) my grandmother was 13 and was going around with her friends. When she came back home, there were her grandparents and her parents. They said to her that they engaged her with my grandfather. my grandfather's parents were there too... I don't know how she reacted to this, I don't remember what she said but I have a picture in my head that she obeyed her grandparents and stayed calm (her parents didn't want to do this). After 5 years, when she got 18 it was time to marry my grandfather, she said to me that she tried to run away with her mother's help. but she couldn't. Again I don't know how it happened, but I suppose she was caught by her grandparents. Anyways, then I remember her saying "but it did not end badly, as you see I have you now my little angel <3". I was just 10 years old, but I rebelled! I said that her grandparents were bad people and that if they were here I would fight them. And I actually would do it, now too...
My grandmother experienced many awful things throughout her life. My grandfather was not educated, he smoked and played betting when he was young. He is a very nice person now, he is taking even care of my grandmother. But when he was young, he didn't care about the economic situation for his family. My dad says that they never had enough money, He would never buy the things he wanted. That's why my dad now has some kind of desire to buy the things he want, sometimes very spontaneously (even if its not logical, he buys it just because he wants that thing).
My grandmother was a strong woman, throughout this life. Now everyone have money, my dad works and my auties work and help my grandparents. Big problems are solved, and then she got weak. She have been sick, and they went to hospital. They said that diabetes and alzheimer can be caused by stress, depression, and the difficulties that she had to bottle for. Now that she doesn't need to be a soldier, it's time to show her wounds, deep inside. I can't do anything, but cry about it...
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