I am missing. I miss everything. I even miss the minutes I wrote this right now. I call this kind of longing for "yearning sickness". I wonder why i am like this. I have always been like this I guess. I have been moving all my life. Changing houses, friends, places, playgrounds, relatives, schools, trees. 

i said trees. YES, they were my friends when there was no one to talk to. Well, you know when you are little; you make up things in your mind. i made up too. My imagination was scary. In my point of view all of the trees in the whole world were connected to each other. They could communicate with the help of their roots. So when i wanted to know how my friends were doing in a place that I don't visit anymore, i would ask the trees if my friends were doing well or if they were using the same path to go to the school every day. I would ask the trees if they were missing me, as i missed them. And the trees would answer me. They would say "yes, they too my darling, they miss you too".

As I grew, I realized that my friends have the access to reach me. Did they want it? Some of them did. But some of them just forgot me, and I never forgot them. This was what made me deeply blue for a long time. I was depressed because I had high expectations from my childhood friends. 

A short story of my life: i lived in turkey until i was 13 years old, then i moved to Norway in 3. April 2018. So i was in 8. grade when i came to Norway and i couldn't speak Norwegian or English at all. 

Since i couldn't talk to people for some time, i was daydreaming or talking to trees around me. I didn't like to talk with my family, they made me sick. What can i say? i was a teenager. Then i found out that i could talk to my best friend in turkey. I texted her, and said that i missed her so much. She answered me at first, but after a while, she just disappeared. I was very sad, for like four years just because of this. I mean until 2022, which is last year. 

Now as you can read I can write and speak English at a level, which is enough for me. I can speak Norwegian too, I think I am B2/C1, if you know the levels.

 I got new friends, new best friends and pals. I still care about my friends in turkey, but now I have friends from Polland, Portugal, France, England, USA, Italy, Thailand, Eritrea and maybe more that I did not mention. I look at the world from another perspective now, and I am very grateful for it!