fly away with you...

What would it be

If you wouldnt leave me

What would happen

If I could just fly away

Fly away from this madness

Fly away from this sadness

You are already flying

Like a butterfly

Up and down

Down and up

You are not the same person you were

Neither me...

I see you in my dreams every night

And you have changed there too

We are not 11 anymore 

Even though it hurts

I am calm and happy

Because I know you are

Happy and calm too:)

First

I lost myself

Laughing and laughing

then drinking and drinking

It was like all my problems were solved

Then

I did some things 

In my mind, I was saying

I will regret this, I WILL regret this

But my body was just acting

Telling things I would NEVER EVER tell

Afterwards

I lost myself even more

Tried to hug her?!

Obviously I was not myself

WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING

That was what I was saying to myself

While she pushed me away 

Now

I can't sleep

Its 4 am

I tried to sleep

I can't stop the voice in my head

I regret this and regret that, why did I say that??

I dont even know who i am anymore

I am so bored of everything that is deciding who I am for me

Who I have to be!

I am not a nerd just because I like math and physics

I am not a weirdo just because I am passionate

I am not an alien just because I got other beliefs

I maybe do things differently

Maybe I don't understand what you mean

Maybe I am a problem

Maybe I am the problem

You know what

I know

It would be so much better without me

for everyone!

No one would even know

No one would ever sense it

Without the weirdo in the class

It would be so much easier for everyone

I wish, I wish, I never was 

I never was born 

I never chose this life

It chose me, and IDFK why!!

I am not who I am or maybe who I thought I was, was never me

Will I ever be myself? 

Will I ever find myself?

I feel all alone sometimes

Actually

Not just sometimes

It's an everyday thing

I am just so used to it now

I don't ever feel like I belong anywhere

I'm a total bilingual, third culture mess

I just for once didn't want to go against the stream

I wanted to be included as a member of a tiny society

But I fucked it up with my messed up mind

Tomorrow

Maybe everyone will act as if nothing has happened

I don't know...I really have no idea

I don't know what I wanna believe either

I just wanna stay in my bed and never go outside

How can I be so stupid??

How did I lose control so fast?

Did i just want to do this or was it the drink?

There are so many questions 

Dancing and kicking in my head

They are irritading

And only thing that will help is

sleep

so now

sleep, sleep, sleep

Then tomorrow

you'll regret every single thing you wrote here

but don't delete them

because you know it is golden worth

En vannlilje

 Du er en gul vannlilje

Du blomstrer i mai.

Når vannet blir varmere hver dag

Du er en skjønnhet som flyter i stillvann

Overraskende hardfør til tross for din delikate fasade

et ganske stort smil med hvilende øyne

Du er en gull vannlilje

Snart er det slutt (eksisterer som en klisjé)

Dine øyne skinner som solen

Når du lener deg mot meg

og prøver å høre hva jeg sier

Smilet er ditt, hjertet mitt er ditt

Er det veldig klisjé?

Å ha følelser som ingen andre ser

Å ha følelser som ingen andre føler

Er det ikke klisjé?

At jeg skriver dikt

Når jeg bare har følelser

Er det ikke så underlig?

Hvordan du kan knuse hjertet mitt 

Uten en anelse om at du gjør det

Men det er jo ikke du som knuser det

Det er bare jeg som fyller det

Med håp og kjærlighet

Det er jeg som er problemet

Igjen

Men det skal ta slutt 

Snart 

blir det bare små biter av det igjen

Jeg tror jeg liker å elske noen

uten å si et ord

det skaper en fred i tilværelsen min

Men jeg aner ikke hvorfor...

Waterlily

I think it's nice that we share the same night sky

Isn't it miraculous that we were born in the same century?

I could have been born in 18th or 16th

You could have been born in the 17th or 15th

There was a huge chance for us to not even say "hi" to each other

But NO

We were born in the 21st century

On top of that, same year, 2005

Me in January, you in May

You are a yellow waterlily

You bloom in may

When the water gets warmer every day

You are a floating beauty

Surprisingly hardy despite your delicate facade

Resting eyes with a pretty big smile

You are so unreachable

makes me wanna dive in

It's cold and dark in here

I can't reach your roots

They are so deep down under the lake

But I am still diving anyway

Now I am afraid to reach you

One move could change everything

I don't want you to fade away

I won't make the move

I won't dare to touch you

You are beautiful where you are now

I'm floating on the lake

The waterlily on my left

It's so sweet, peaceful and quiet

I guess I'll let you be like this

doomed bummers

We: the ones who think, thinkers...

We are people who are doomed to unhappiness.