Ai Ai Captain LeMerica

There's a guy out there

He lightens up the room

When he is in there

He has a very loud laugh

But his laugh makes 

everyone else laugh too

And beacuse of him 

None of the classes are boring

And because of him

Everyone feels welcomed

And because of him

The teachers feel weird

And beacuse of HIM

The teacher looks at our direction

Because he laughs at the tiniest things

And the teacher thinks that

We're making fun of him

And in fact we do, when you think about it

But you know, whatever,  it's just a semester

And he laughs at the tiniest things

And that's something very few of us do...

penalty of being a greek god

This cheap language we call english

I write in english with my poor vocabulary

But I wish I knew more words and phares

So that I could romanticize him

So he is not a crush, just a beautiful friend

Litteraly, I love his topaz eyes

He's got real honey like eyes!

Like where would you see that on earth?!

Maybe on heaven, or something?

I am not finished, he's got always,

ALWAYS pink cheeks! 

They get very red when he talks to people

He is naturally shy...

By the way he has red-ish lips

I feel like I am talking about a woman here

I wanna know his mom

She must be very beautiful

He has butterscotch hair

Which looks like normal brown at first

But outside it shines!

Lol, it's like golden honey

I don't know, he is just beautiful

Like a girl is beautiful

I am stunned every time I see him

But I don't LOVE him 

Love is different

I just admire his looks

And I think many people does too

Bad for him, it will be difficult to find 

Someone who really loves him

For who really is

That's the penaly of being beautiful

autumn

Its 5 am

I can't sleep

I love autumn

And it starts today

I am excited 

I am actually not tired

As I said

I can't sleep

One of the things I realized

Is that norwegian people won't sit 

Beside me on the bus

I guess it's because of my etnicity

I don't blame them

But why do I feel heartbroken?

For the first time in my blog career

I opened the paper

And I have no idea what to write

It's like, there is so much to write 

Everything is happening so fast

And I need to get this out 

Well, it turns out that my family and I

We are not that well getting along

I can't share everything with them

I don't feel free to speak

I gotta say "yeah, yeah..I'm fine..

Regular old..surviving"

I feel like, they don't really wanna know

They got their own lives

I've got mine now

I just...

I just have...

no one to share it with...

And it's a little bit boring I guess

Like all the walls are getting near me

Nearer and nearer, making me nervous

I feel trapped in this state

I don't think anyone cares

I feel like no one cares about me

And I fit in, in a way

But also I litteraly DON'T fit in

At all...

I don't know what to feel at this point

Because I should be happy

I dreamt about this

Now it is happening

I am not sad though

I just feel empty

I didn't hug anyone for some time now

I love hugs and kisses

I guess I miss them

Very much

A boy touched my shoulder today

I was in this jazz club

And like, I litteraly wanted to hug him

BUT I JUST MET HIM 

I think that sums up how much I miss hugs

Maybe what I lack is love

Affection and someone 

who understands me

This is a new life, so it is normal to be lost

I know no one and 

now I get to know people

I will know them in a while

And this will be my new normal

But this emptiness

I know it

It's just me, 

Being the enemy.

In my own story 

Again...

To myself

You are feeling something right now

You fell in love

Again, 

Don't try to push it away

Don't try to get away from it

Just feel what you got to feel

If it ends up with heartbreak

Feel that too!

If you love roses, 

you have to put up with its spikes

If you like to learn something new

You got to fail first

This is the rule 

And has been the rule for a long time

And the pain won't last forever 

'Cause WE don't even live forever!

Don't try to rush things

When it comes to feelings

Just go with the flow 

Only then you'll know

If it's is meant for you

Or what's not!

Maybe try to not cure yourself very fast

Feel the heartbreak so that you will think 

More wisely next time you start to feel the sparks

That is the way it should be but

The society is different nowadays

We get into a relationship then get bored

And we jump into the others

What about love?

What about loyalty?

What about the one?

I really wonder if there is one person..

That I will litteraly click with

And I wonder if one day I will say

"Yepp, that one, I wanna bring an 

Eternitiy with them"

I don't know

The flow is very slow

Maybe that's a good thing :)

I miss something that I don't know

I just called my mom

and heard about that my grandad is sick

He can't walk anymore

He couldn't hear properly for a while

But since I moved from Turkey to Norway

He got worse

It's just very sad that I will never know who he was

What songs he liked if he even listened to music

He is 90 years old

I may never know

what he liked to wear

what kind of food he just loved to eat

I may never hear it from him 

I will never know how his childhood was

what kind of dreams he had for his future

How he was as a child

Why he was so hard on his children

And why he never let go of my mom

Why he chose to be a police officer

I will never hear about his university memories

I may never hug him ever again

I don't really feel anything because I wasn't very near him

We did live near them but I was just a rebel teen at the time

I wouldn't listen to my mom who would want me to go visit them

I do OF COURSE regret but I was just a teen

Now I may never see him alive again 

I feel terrible

have been crying for an hour

But I don't even know if seeing him would change anything

I have a new different life here

And they are like,... it's as if the time stopped there...

They are the older generation

I can't understand them and neither can they

But I love them 

If I am a little bit smart

It is because of him and my dad

Both of them are smart men

I really don't know what I'm feeling

It's like losing something you could've had

But if it was never yours, what's the point of being blue?

I don't know

I guess my heart is rather blue

than red...