Du var fin på sjøen, så hoppet jeg inn...

 Du er en gul vannlilje

Du blomstrer i mai.

Når vannet blir varmere hver dag

Du er en skjønnhet som flyter i stillvann

Overraskende hardfør til tross for din delikate fasade

et ganske stort smil med hvilende øyne

Du er en gull vannlilje

Du er en gull vannlilje 

om natten

skinner månen 

så skinner du

som stjerner 

på himmelen

det er en fredelig stillhet

idet du ser på månen

og månen ser på deg

ser jeg en liten smil der 

mellom de myke kinnene dine?

når smilet er ditt

hjertet mitt er ditt

Om dagen

skinner sola

så skinner dine øyne

Det må være noe der

i bunn og grunn 

fargen som jeg aldri fattet

gule, grønne eller lyse brune?

En hel verden er i dine rav øyne

hvis jeg ikke hadde vært redd

for å se rett inn i øynene dine

hadde jeg kanskje skjønt fargen

Men det er ikke enkelt 

Uten å bli merket

Nå som du vet alt

Og nå som jeg vet at

Du kommer til å hate det

om jeg ser inn i øynene dine

Fordi jeg skal komme til å miste

meg selv inn i de krystallene...

Nice to meet you!

I've got a damn free spirit baby!

You know why I say that?

Who else can't wait to dance barefoot on the grass?

Or can't wait to roller skate in the city, at light speed?

(while almost dying lol, several times)

Who else has a set of pajamas but likes to mix the bottom and top with other sets all the time?

Who else buys a vanilla ice cream adds lemon juice and lemon zest in it and eats it?

Who else dances in the rain while getting REALLY soaked?

Who else loves to LITERALLY sit anywhere and read books? 

(there is a window 2 meters up from the ground at school and I literally sit there and read, it's so cozy XD)

Who else brings her guitar everywhere or plays guitar the second she finds one?

Who else likes to just go into the forest in summer and run?

Who else talks to the moon?

Or who else dances in her room all alone in the dark while blasting music on her headphones?

Who else loves to open her window and feel the wind in her hands?

Who else likes to imagine what the four dimensions actually look like?

Or who else talks to her imaginative friends, which are trees?

Who else likes to just randomly take a drive to the sea and watch the blueness until her eyes get hypnotized??

Who else still laughs out of nowhere while thinking about her best memories with her past bestie?

Also, who else still longs for her bestie which she had 10 years ago but now they are totally different people? (second thought, this might be relatable for many people)

Who else gets very spicy and weird ideas out of nowhere?

Who else loves to write a poem or a song over everything?

That all, is me, nice to meet you XD

(maybe this is why people won't talk to me?)

(maybe these things that make me who I really am, is keeping other people away from me?)

(WELL, THEN THEY GOT THEIR HEART IN A PRISON 'CAUSE I GOT A FREE SPIRIT BAYBE!!!)

Heart like a trash can

I have so much love in my heart

and I give it to so many wrong people

That my heart looks like a trash can 

No one likes it anymore

Everyone gossips about it

How my heart loved this boy and then this girl

I am not a person who falls in love very quickly actually

I just get attracted by people's beauty 

and wanna be friends with them actually

I am trying to understand myself

Every time I said that I was in love

I don't really think I really was

I just wanted so bad to be in love

That is, starting from today, is ending

I am putting an end to more heartbreaks

I am putting an end to being misjudged

And lastly, I will do everything to be actually happy 

this time, I won't just give my heart for free.

NonhOpe

One of the things I hate about some people is that 

When I ask them if they want to hang out or do something together

They won't say No at first, which gives me HOPE.

Then right before we meet up, they say that they are busy

This feeling is the worst of all emotions I have ever felt.

So I'll call it NonhOpe

from now on I let the boiling water burn my body

The boiling water is running 

Now I understand 

Why adults like it

It hurts but I like to suffer

I like that the water is so hot

that it stings 

So that I can punish myself

For doing things that I wasn't supposed to

For not being patient 

For my existence

For my appearance 

For my voice and my eyes

For not loving myself as I am

For not doing things I was supposed to do

Like being patient and listening more

or just standing quiet and going with the flow

For some reason

I can't do that

I HAVE to BE me all the time

I Just cant have superficial friends

People who i casually talk to, NO

None.

But why?

And again Why even spend time writing about it?

When I can just paint, play guitar, or read books...

I was in love, but now It hurts again...

And I know that It's my fault and my pain,

so I will deal with it as an adult

With Ignoring the truth, until it ends.

fly away with you...

What would it be

If you wouldnt leave me

What would happen

If I could just fly away

Fly away from this madness

Fly away from this sadness

You are already flying

Like a butterfly

Up and down

Down and up

You are not the same person you were

Neither me...

I see you in my dreams every night

And you have changed there too

We are not 11 anymore 

Even though it hurts

I am calm and happy

Because I know you are

Happy and calm too:)

First

I lost myself

Laughing and laughing

then drinking and drinking

It was like all my problems were solved

Then

I did some things 

In my mind, I was saying

I will regret this, I WILL regret this

But my body was just acting

Telling things I would NEVER EVER tell

Afterwards

I lost myself even more

Tried to hug her?!

Obviously I was not myself

WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING

That was what I was saying to myself

While she pushed me away 

Now

I can't sleep

Its 4 am

I tried to sleep

I can't stop the voice in my head

I regret this and regret that, why did I say that??

I dont even know who i am anymore

I am so bored of everything that is deciding who I am for me

Who I have to be!

I am not a nerd just because I like math and physics

I am not a weirdo just because I am passionate

I am not an alien just because I got other beliefs

I maybe do things differently

Maybe I don't understand what you mean

Maybe I am a problem

Maybe I am the problem

You know what

I know

It would be so much better without me

for everyone!

No one would even know

No one would ever sense it

Without the weirdo in the class

It would be so much easier for everyone

I wish, I wish, I never was 

I never was born 

I never chose this life

It chose me, and IDFK why!!

I am not who I am or maybe who I thought I was, was never me

Will I ever be myself? 

Will I ever find myself?

I feel all alone sometimes

Actually

Not just sometimes

It's an everyday thing

I am just so used to it now

I don't ever feel like I belong anywhere

I'm a total bilingual, third culture mess

I just for once didn't want to go against the stream

I wanted to be included as a member of a tiny society

But I fucked it up with my messed up mind

Tomorrow

Maybe everyone will act as if nothing has happened

I don't know...I really have no idea

I don't know what I wanna believe either

I just wanna stay in my bed and never go outside

How can I be so stupid??

How did I lose control so fast?

Did i just want to do this or was it the drink?

There are so many questions 

Dancing and kicking in my head

They are irritading

And only thing that will help is

sleep

so now

sleep, sleep, sleep

Then tomorrow

you'll regret every single thing you wrote here

but don't delete them

because you know it is golden worth