A very meaningful one..

If you really like someone

being friends with them

is better than dating them

- from a poerty book "Learning to love myself"

'

He is half of my soul, as the poets say

- Madeline Miller "The Song of Achilles"

I had nothing to offer anybody,

Except my own confusion

- Jack Kerouac "On the Road"

The meaning of being alive

is just being alive

That's what we're all here for

Of course, I'll hurt you

Of course, you'll hurt me

Of course, we will hurt each other

But this is the very condition of 

existence

To become spring means

accepting the risk of winter

To become presence means

accepting the risk of absence

- the Little Prince

I got that feeling again

I don't know if i wanna write this

But I feel something I can't understand

Maybe I can help myself if I write it down

I watched a movie called "jack"

Robin Williams is playing the protagonist

I recommend it wildly

The plot is that Jack is a spectacular boy

his body grows very fast, while his brain is just the same

for example, when he is just 10, he looks like a 40-year-old man

So he is very old when he is 17

He will die, right?

And I start thinking that I will die too

Sooner or later everyone will die

But I got that strange feeling

Saying "nothing really matter, 

You will die anyways"

People are afraid of things they do not know

Death is one of the things we know almost nothing about

I mean, what happens to our conciousness

What happens when we die?

There are religions, telling...

But I just can not understand.

My soul doesn't want to die

It wants to live forever

So why do we die then??

I learn physics and chemistry in high school

But I won't learn biology

It is kinda because 

Biology is about what is happening with our bodies 

and other organisms' bodies

I feel like it is terrifying 

How I can breathe

How I can talk

How I can choose

while other animals just eat, fight, give birth, and die

I can enjoy life

I can hate life 

I can miss

I can kiss

Very confused right now

And emotional

I can't wait 'till the day I die

Just because I wanna learn what it is

But at the same time, I don't wanna...

What is this?

Literally... 

Back to some quotes, cuz it's raining and i'm chilling

Note: I'm an idiot 'cause I've got a subject discussion tomorrow and I've got a practical physics exam on Friday. Guess what I'm doing. YESS IM WRITING TO MY BLOG. Enjoy then HAHAHAHAHA!!!

...

I'd like to think that in the end, it's us

But I can't help myself from wondering 

if you're another lesson

Another person to teach me something

Someone I don't get to keep

It's not doubt

I'm not second-guessing what we have

I'm just scared to lose it

So much loss in this life

Enough for the next one to come

So I look at the moon

And I make my wish

That it's you and me

In this life

And the next

Don't start regretting

Being a caring person

Whoever got a chance

To experience you

They just needed your light

At that time

And committed to your love

Don't you ever doubt

Your worth or your beauty

I didn't

I didn't wanna know 

but now I know

do I feel all right

yes, I do.

They asked:

Do you really feel alright?

Wait, no...

Maybe not.

I talked to myself:

I don't know what I am feeling

right now

I think I am confused like hell

I think I am both

Both 

Glad

Sad

Do i wanna know?

What do you feel right now?

What are you experiencing?

I wish I knew

How I could help

Other than just standing still

And watching you smile at me

That song is in my head right now

"All my emotions, 

feel like explosions 

when you are around!"

This is how I am feeling 

Every time I see you

My heart starts to race

I get relaxed in a weird way

As if I've known you since forever

But I am afraid 

Afraid that maybe

you don't feel this way

Not yet

Or you don't feel ready

You need time

And I'm rushing it

I don't even know if 

it is logical to write 

these things here

I know that if you read

You will know my thoughts

But I still won't know yours

Maybe my eyes were blinding you

Literally have no idea what to do

I don't know what people expect

I can't predict how they want me to act

Feeling like...

I am doing mistakes all the time

I feel like some people

Get angry or think bad about me

Because I am so open about things

I talk all the time

This is not a good sign

I let it out all the time

Maybe I should wait

Or maybe I should act

But wait

I don't know how to act

UGGGHHHH/&¤#"#&/)=#"#¤%/%%&/

Do I scare people?

I am very energetic 

when I am happy or nervous

experienced them both 

at the same time

Maybe I went crazy 

I didn't see my face 

Maybe my eyes were shining too much

It makes you wanna look away for awhile

That's normal I guess

Just know that I love you

And if I am away from you

It is because I respect you

I accept and respect you

But you are in control now

So even if i miss you

I won't do anything

I will wait my darling

Until forever

Just feel free

Because you are

Just feel your emotions

Because you're their reflections

Have a clear conscience

Listen to yourself in silence

Take a deep breath

I think this might help

Look at the darkness

Get hold of sadness

I don't know what you want

But I know what I want

I want your happiness

Those little smiles

I want your peace

Those relaxed glances

I want your craziness

Those dance moves

But mostly

I want your sadness

Those eyes...

Bir patates gibi hissediyorum

Asla gösterme

Mutsuz olduğunu

Asla onlara gösterme

Burada 

tam olarak şuanda 

Burada

Olmak istemediğini

Buradan kaçmak istediğini

Heryerde insanlar

Bana ne yapıcağımı söylerler

Ben sadece dinlerim

Hep de dinleyeceğim

Çünkü ben benim

Ve ben hep dinlerim

Acaba ne zaman böyle hisstemeyeceğim

Hissiz. 

Sessiz.

Kimsesiz.

Umutsuz. 

Sen

Evet sen

Şuanda Türk olmayan biri isen 

Ve bunu okuyor isen

Zaten çeviri yapmış olman gerek

Çok meraklı olduğunu anlıyorum

Ama ben sadece düşüncelerimi yazıyorum

Kimseyi yargılamıyorum

Ya da üzmek istemiyorum

Umarım benim kederim

Seni de kederlendirmez

Sistem beni bunaltıyor

Sistem neden hep böyle

Şuanda sınıftayım

Bir patates gibi hissediyorum

Her türlü yemeğe yakışıyorum

Tadım da ne güzel ne kötü

Çoğu insan beni sever ama

Çok da önemsemez

Yanındaki et ile birlikte çok da güzel gider ama