Scarlett vine

 I feel like Red Vine

Aging and getting older

Thus gaining value 

I am a weird witch

And isn't it lovely to be in love?

For a hopeless romantic like me,

It is just a fantasy, fiction.

To have the courage, the passion

No, I don't have these anymore.

I at least don't have the courage.

Maybe I will be just a hopeless romantic

Perhaps I like life like it is now

Right now here, reading love.

Some books and some poetry.

It fills me with warmth and hope.

"So hold on to your love, love.

Don't let it slip off of your hands..."

This is a quote from me

I swear, I would be the 

Weird witch who gives good advice

But never succeed in listening to her own advice

If I were in a fantasy book.

A comment from a minecraft nastalgia music video

We played, We tried
We laughed, we cried
We succeeded, we died
We respawned and thrived
From the zombies, to the endermen
From the skeletons, to the pigmen
From the spiders and creepers
And from those annoying griefers
From the biome of jungle to sands
To the mushrooms and other obscure lands
From the snow and ice
To the swamps which never looked too nice
From the moments with friends we’ll cherish
From a time we hoped Herobrine would perish
From the great animations
To the Youtube sensations
Along with those musical incantations
I thank Mojang for creating my childhood
Much better than just ‘good’
I think I speak for everyone here
When I say this is not game of the year
It’s the game of the century
As it offered us plenty
And these memories will never leave
Just like the thought of first playing as Steve
So I say close your eyes
And listen to the music with surprise
As your memories of Minecraft where once apart
But now can be fixed like a broken heart
In order to find your memories core
You must go back to the world of Minecraft once more
And defeat the Ender Dragon one last time
As the sweet sounds of your childhood begin to chime
One last thing, for me to say
Which would be, have a nice day
Also for you to never forget this game
Nor the journey that came
As apart of that journey was the end
Quite literally, not pretend
Just like this poem, which I hope you all read
As I would love it if this poem and this game is remembered once I’m dead.

this poem is taken from this videos comment: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5glPHD3Dsoo

by:https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYOnBjrFRIg1cHVQTrAV-RQ

Just woke up, its 2 am

I've got so much love in my heart

That I'm afraid to give it away

There are so many dirty people 

Rude, careless, reckless 

And irresponsible

I've got a lot of things in my mind

Like, what will happen tomorrow?

What is that the future brings?

A war? A lover? Or an opportunity to

Escape this reality?

But surely there is something in my eyes

Only people who look with passion,

With kindness and with love can see

A Hope, a blinding light, sadness,

Love and bravery...

The only one who looked at me in that way

Was the girl i saw in the mirror

On the batthroom this night

And she is gonna be a great person some day

She is not even gonna recognize the change 

But she will change, just like a caterpillar

Becoming a beautifully elegant butterfly 🦋✨️

I just hope and hold on...

I had another dream.

It was almost the same as the other one i wrote. 

But this one was scary. 

I told it to a few people who would understand it.

Just so you know, I think that dreams can prepare us for something that can happen. 

Sometimes my dreams actually happen, and I feel weird.

Anyways, about the dream;

I was on vacation with my family again. My mom got all sick so we had to take her to the hospital. She came back home, and she couldn't walk. She was saying "I am so tired" all the time. Then I saw my cousin again and hugged him. I think I really miss him. But after this summer vacation, school started this time. And I didn't apply to high school but to a University! and not just a university, It was in Turkey and a new University!!

I saw people waiting in the hall, and there was a corridor. Then I saw him. The president of Turkey. ThE AlL MiGhTy ReCeP TaYYiP ErDogAn!!! BRUH!! like why are you even in my dream, right? However, he was there for the opening of the school. I kinda tried not to make any eye contact, because i was afraid that he would imprison me. Then i kind of tried to small run by the corridor. Then he grabbed me by my collar.

He dragged me to the ground and said "I have some things I will talk to her about." to all the students and some teachers watching. They did NOT even care. They just continued their life. Then I tried to stop him. Suddenly I saw a metal on the wall, maybe one and half meters above the ground. It was kind of rectangular, but just with two sides. Something I can hold on to. I just held it. He was pulling me.

I looked at him once, and I never shouted or said a word since he tried to kidnap me. I was silent. Then I turned my face and saw a teacher. I thought, "Wait, why am I not trying to shout??!". I began to shout very loudly " ReCeP TaYYiP ErDogAn is kidnapping a girl, ALEYYY ALEEEYY everyoneeee!!!". Silently the teacher turned her back and disappeared. No One HELPED ME. Then there were some students gathering. Not saying much, just making kind of a circle around ErDoGan. 

I looked at him for the second time. This time he was making a grimace, holding his right eye and saying "Agghhhhhh hssssss it hurtsss aagghhh it hurts... this is why I am taking her, believe me". Then people moved on. I was kind of frustrated but also thought "Yeah, right! he was very well at lying to people. I almost forgot".  Then I turned my head back and just held the metal. I waited. He pulled me so hard that I began to sweat. I was holding on too tight. Then a weight lightened, and something went away.

I looked at him for the last time, or I looked in the direction where he WAS. There was just some sunlight and dust in the air where he was holding me. I was still holding on to the metal, and nothing was holding me but I held on so tight that I was holding myself in the air only with my arms. I was relieved. I breathe in and out. 

I woke up. I did not cry. I felt both scared, relieved, and brave. My hands were shaking, and I couldn't recognize myself. I went to the bathroom, and I washed my face. Only then do I look up at the mirror and say "Oh wait, I exist!". I recorded the dream as a voice message. I just explained it to a friend. But afterward, I listened to it again. this dream might be a warning and a relief. 

I talked to my father about it and he was shocked. Because there was a creature in Islam, who is a man or something like that called "deccal". Very very bad person who lies and does very bad things. He doesn't have his ONE RIGHT EYE. I didn't even know that... And I saw that he vanished, so My father said "Hold on to something mehlika, it is time to hold on tight now...He will give up as I see from your dream. ", he continued "We saw that he was bad, just like in your first sight, we shouted it to the people. We showed it. Then they put us in prison...Then everyone saw how ugly and badhearted he was just like in your second sight of him...but no one could do anything but hold on tight"... he then concluded "He will vanish, just like he did in your third sight. He will give up eventually and we will feel scared, relieved but also brave".

I am full of hope and frustration. 

I just hope 

and hold on...

IDFK WHY I AM WRITING

I think i just want to tell what happened in my dream last night. This is literally not a poem though, this is kind of a journal. A dream journal maybe?

Daylight, warm sand. I am in Greece or Italy. There are ancient ruins on the water, all of them are ruined though, there was an earthquake before I got there I guess. I talk to some people I know or knew, some of my old friends...I get emotional because I miss them so much. Then I try to fly up above the sea so that I can reach my home. I jump mostly. Like, when you write "kangaroo" in GTA SAN ANDREAS (this is a nice hack) and the character jumps hella high. Yeah, I jump like that XD I jump from a ruin to another one and reach the house. 

I am in the house, but the holiday concept has changed to a family trip. My whole family is in the house and the house changed to my grandparent's house. I start to cry because I missed everyone so much. I knock on the door. My little cousin opens the door. I hug her so tight that she is like trying to escape me Lol, then my aunt comes saying "Hey what, who is it-" then she freezes. I freeze too. We both cry and hug and then my uncle come, and my grandparents. We talk and the day goes by.

It is night now. I am making a bed for myself. I wanna sleep on the ground even if there is a couch. (It is just a nostalgic thing to do, because I used to sleep on the floor with my cousins when I was little). Then I go to window and see the stars and the whole galaxy. I see a telescope by the window and take it. I look at Mars. The Mars is so clear, i have never ever seen it like that before. It was fascinating. Then i spot the jupiter and Saturn. Then i start looking everywhere and WHOOOP!!

Im in space. Around me, there are stars, and I never seen the stars this clear in my life. The planets are also magically big and look very clear. I can see the big storm on Jupiter and I can touch Saturn hale. So then when I am full of hope..

I wake up. 

I say "You f*cking alarm biiiiiiiiiiiiippp" XDDD

Do you know why hugs are so beautiful?

Because right side of you does not have a heart.

So it is empty.

And when you hug, you will have a heart

On both sides 

And feel complete

- A random instagram quote

The problematic dark wintery season

Uncertainty makes me feel empty

I used to predict how thing would go 

Before

Now I feel like I can't anymore...

Things are getting hard 

Both in school and life

Is this because 

I come of age?

Now my life looks like

School, eat, homework, sleep

And you can repeat it

For 5 days

I wanna paint

I wanna play guitar

I wanna hang out with my besties

I wanna watch some series

But mostly I wanna read books

Now I have hardly time 

For any of that

I feel sad 

But I like school and homework too

I used to like it at least

Before

Now I feel like it is just overwhelming 

Things are hard now

I am struggling every day 

I can't find solutions easily 

Words can't explain how terrified i get

But every problem has a solution anyway...

The sun rises after a very dark night too...

There is spring after winter...

Am I in the problematic dark wintery season?

Maybe I will be in this season for a while?

It's allright though, these problems are much better than doing just what I like...

Because you can cry if you laugh too much also...

You can get bored by listening your favorite song on repeat for a week...

You can gain too much weight if you eat too much chocolate...

I will find a balance 

At the end

I will, I know

I believe in me

Untill then,

I will be waiting for the beautifully shining summery season...

The depression in the air

I actually did not hear the alarm in the morning

But i woke up on my own 

And I felt as if i was not tired

But i guess i am just overtired 

Anyways, it has been a long time since i got the will

To write here like this

I am in the buss

Reading books and listening to my autumn playlist on spotify

Right now i am listening to "R U Mine?"

Isnt fall just beatiful?

I love the depression in the air

Natures way to say goodbye

I think I actually love goodbyes

Because it is just so dramatic

It makes me feel like I am in a movie

What an amazing world 💀

I HATE SLEEPING

I cant fall asleep

I have math and chemistry tomorrow

I slept for like 5 hours in a row for many days

Im so tired but I can not sleep

The only thing i am thinking is crying

I just wanna cry and shout

Get it out of me

I hate it when my parents make noise

Exactly when I will fall asleep

I hate that they talk 

Behind the wall

their blurry talk

IT IS IN MY BRAIN 

I FEEL THE PAIN

But I mostly hate that

I know i will wanna sleep more in the morning

And i will say that i should go to bed early

Just like i did yesterday and today...

Did i go to bed early?

YES ACTUALLY

BUT DID IT CHANGE ANYTHING

NOPE.

WHY DO I HAVE TO THINK ABOUT THESE THINGS?

THESE FRICKING CREATIVE THINGS AT NIGHT??

WHY NOT IN THE MORNING???

I FEEL DEAD WHEN I WAKE UP... I ADORE SLEEP IN THE MORNING

BUT NO, I ACTUALLY HATE THAT I NEED IT

I WISH, REALLLY WISH, THAT I DIDNT NEED SLEEP

THAT WOULD BE AN AMAZING WORLD FOR ME

Not different.

The fall was yet to come

I fell in love again

I slam my hand on my face

AGAIN

I KNOW! I know...

Love is like a drug, and

I AM afraid to experience it again

But I AM brave too

Braveness is actually 

doing something even if you are

terribly afraid of it

I am terribly afraid to 

be rejected by people

but I talk to them

even if they might 

ignore me...

Love is weird though

I feel like if I have too much

I can lose my control

I don't wanna do it again

Maybe thinking before everything 

Might be a better option

There are two voices inside me

The first voice inside me sometimes says, 

"Don't worry, just do whatever you desire"

The second one says,

"Wait, when did you meet? do you even know him?

You need to know him well before everything!! 

Don't you think he is too childish? 

He doesn't even fit into your criteria!!!

Where is the blue-eyed bookworm boy?? "

I ROAR, SILENCE!!!!!

Because I learned that sometimes

You can't have it all

You might just crush someone

And they just match your vibe you know

You just hang out and have quality time together

Maybe that turns into love or doesn't

Why label?

My fantasies are just fiction

In real life, there can be other things that matter

like his deep, beautiful voice..

I could listen all day long

I could stare at his eyes 

because they change color all day long

I don't want to mention his strawberry lips

I wanna bite them like a vampire 

But more than his looks, I like

his thoughts on things

Politics, psychology, Science

His random music taste that

I surprisingly like

The way he cuddles

And the way he looks at me

Can a human being look with

Puppy eyes but also be like a cat??

I never saw this before

I never met someone like him before...

He is different, and I like it..

He makes me feel

Not different.