A very meaningful one..

If you really like someone

being friends with them

is better than dating them

- from a poerty book "Learning to love myself"

'

He is half of my soul, as the poets say

- Madeline Miller "The Song of Achilles"

I had nothing to offer anybody,

Except my own confusion

- Jack Kerouac "On the Road"

The meaning of being alive

is just being alive

That's what we're all here for

Of course, I'll hurt you

Of course, you'll hurt me

Of course, we will hurt each other

But this is the very condition of 

existence

To become spring means

accepting the risk of winter

To become presence means

accepting the risk of absence

- the Little Prince

I got that feeling again

I don't know if i wanna write this

But I feel something I can't understand

Maybe I can help myself if I write it down

I watched a movie called "jack"

Robin Williams is playing the protagonist

I recommend it wildly

The plot is that Jack is a spectacular boy

his body grows very fast, while his brain is just the same

for example, when he is just 10, he looks like a 40-year-old man

So he is very old when he is 17

He will die, right?

And I start thinking that I will die too

Sooner or later everyone will die

But I got that strange feeling

Saying "nothing really matter, 

You will die anyways"

People are afraid of things they do not know

Death is one of the things we know almost nothing about

I mean, what happens to our conciousness

What happens when we die?

There are religions, telling...

But I just can not understand.

My soul doesn't want to die

It wants to live forever

So why do we die then??

I learn physics and chemistry in high school

But I won't learn biology

It is kinda because 

Biology is about what is happening with our bodies 

and other organisms' bodies

I feel like it is terrifying 

How I can breathe

How I can talk

How I can choose

while other animals just eat, fight, give birth, and die

I can enjoy life

I can hate life 

I can miss

I can kiss

Very confused right now

And emotional

I can't wait 'till the day I die

Just because I wanna learn what it is

But at the same time, I don't wanna...

What is this?

Literally... 

Back to some quotes, cuz it's raining and i'm chilling

Note: I'm an idiot 'cause I've got a subject discussion tomorrow and I've got a practical physics exam on Friday. Guess what I'm doing. YESS IM WRITING TO MY BLOG. Enjoy then HAHAHAHAHA!!!

...

I'd like to think that in the end, it's us

But I can't help myself from wondering 

if you're another lesson

Another person to teach me something

Someone I don't get to keep

It's not doubt

I'm not second-guessing what we have

I'm just scared to lose it

So much loss in this life

Enough for the next one to come

So I look at the moon

And I make my wish

That it's you and me

In this life

And the next

Don't start regretting

Being a caring person

Whoever got a chance

To experience you

They just needed your light

At that time

And committed to your love

Don't you ever doubt

Your worth or your beauty

I didn't

I didn't wanna know 

but now I know

do I feel all right

yes, I do.

They asked:

Do you really feel alright?

Wait, no...

Maybe not.

I talked to myself:

I don't know what I am feeling

right now

I think I am confused like hell

I think I am both

Both 

Glad

Sad

Do i wanna know?

What do you feel right now?

What are you experiencing?

I wish I knew

How I could help

Other than just standing still

And watching you smile at me

That song is in my head right now

"All my emotions, 

feel like explosions 

when you are around!"

This is how I am feeling 

Every time I see you

My heart starts to race

I get relaxed in a weird way

As if I've known you since forever

But I am afraid 

Afraid that maybe

you don't feel this way

Not yet

Or you don't feel ready

You need time

And I'm rushing it

I don't even know if 

it is logical to write 

these things here

I know that if you read

You will know my thoughts

But I still won't know yours

Maybe my eyes were blinding you

Literally have no idea what to do

I don't know what people expect

I can't predict how they want me to act

Feeling like...

I am doing mistakes all the time

I feel like some people

Get angry or think bad about me

Because I am so open about things

I talk all the time

This is not a good sign

I let it out all the time

Maybe I should wait

Or maybe I should act

But wait

I don't know how to act

UGGGHHHH/&¤#"#&/)=#"#¤%/%%&/

Do I scare people?

I am very energetic 

when I am happy or nervous

experienced them both 

at the same time

Maybe I went crazy 

I didn't see my face 

Maybe my eyes were shining too much

It makes you wanna look away for awhile

That's normal I guess

Just know that I love you

And if I am away from you

It is because I respect you

I accept and respect you

But you are in control now

So even if i miss you

I won't do anything

I will wait my darling

Until forever

Just feel free

Because you are

Just feel your emotions

Because you're their reflections

Have a clear conscience

Listen to yourself in silence

Take a deep breath

I think this might help

Look at the darkness

Get hold of sadness

I don't know what you want

But I know what I want

I want your happiness

Those little smiles

I want your peace

Those relaxed glances

I want your craziness

Those dance moves

But mostly

I want your sadness

Those eyes...

Bir patates gibi hissediyorum

Asla gösterme

Mutsuz olduğunu

Asla onlara gösterme

Burada 

tam olarak şuanda 

Burada

Olmak istemediğini

Buradan kaçmak istediğini

Heryerde insanlar

Bana ne yapıcağımı söylerler

Ben sadece dinlerim

Hep de dinleyeceğim

Çünkü ben benim

Ve ben hep dinlerim

Acaba ne zaman böyle hisstemeyeceğim

Hissiz. 

Sessiz.

Kimsesiz.

Umutsuz. 

Sen

Evet sen

Şuanda Türk olmayan biri isen 

Ve bunu okuyor isen

Zaten çeviri yapmış olman gerek

Çok meraklı olduğunu anlıyorum

Ama ben sadece düşüncelerimi yazıyorum

Kimseyi yargılamıyorum

Ya da üzmek istemiyorum

Umarım benim kederim

Seni de kederlendirmez

Sistem beni bunaltıyor

Sistem neden hep böyle

Şuanda sınıftayım

Bir patates gibi hissediyorum

Her türlü yemeğe yakışıyorum

Tadım da ne güzel ne kötü

Çoğu insan beni sever ama

Çok da önemsemez

Yanındaki et ile birlikte çok da güzel gider ama

Be weird and happy

 Do you ever look in the mirror?

And you start to do weird grimaces

You laugh like hell

Continue to do those weird faces

You come out of your shell

I see myself 

I see a smiling face

very VERY dumb looking

I see a younger and an older version of myself

And I love all versions

Why am I so happy?

Is it because I give enough space

To think, to feel, and to process my feelings

Everyone needs that

Everyone needs time to figure things out

We will figure it out as we go

Maybe I don't know

We will figure it out

as we go...

Now I remember a song 

"figure it out"

Looks like it's all about to change
Life is such a funny, stupid game
You say the word and I'll say the same
Maybe we can just run away

Can't always see way down the road
Too busy looking at the trees out my window

And we'll make it all up as we go
And you crashed the party right on time
Just as the music died and on came the lights
So help me up, bring me back to life

Maybe I don't know, 
We all just figure it out as we go
'Cause no one really knows, 
We all just figure it out as we go

And I don't know why

But this song fits my vibe

right now...

Beyim Aragorn ve ben

 A wise man once said to me;

Don't be sad about the things 

you can not control

Sometimes you just have to let it be

I said;

It is an easy and wise thing to say

But is it easy to do it?

Then he said;

No, it is not

But knowing what I said

It can give you some courage

And show you that you are not in charge

I asked;

Who is in charge then?

I want to talk to them

So that they can change 

the sad things 

Happening

Then he replied;

That is a big goal

for a little young woman

I like your thought 

But things won't work like that

in this world

I insisted;

Who said I wanted to meet them 

in this world?

I could meet them in another dimension

Maybe in my dreams

Or somewhere else

But I need to meet them

So I can make a change

He said then, thoughtfully;

18-year-olds...

They always think they can change the world

How everything works

It's cruelty

They are innocent

But it won't last my darling

Don't worry

Unfortunately, this won't last long

Live in the moment

Until the silence

I ended enthusiastically;

Big goals can lead to small changes

Small changes can lead to bigger changes

Bigger changes can lead to controlling 

Everywhere, Anytime, Always

Soon...

- Beyim Aragorn ve ben...

Gibberish :]

I feel something on my stomach

I think I've got a bellyache

Maybe it's that feeling

Again I feel it

It is as if a part of me is missing

Also, I feel like it is completely hissing

You know when the universe is calling

You can hear it, with all of you listening

I feel my old wounds are aching

maybe I'm just faking

do I seek attention 

or do I seek redemption  

I hear a sound

From my childhood

I begin to feel emotional

Or maybe I am just conceptional

As if I fall from grace

Perhaps the beginning of an end 

My poetic soul in the class

You are just a little bug

Why do we even hug?

I see someone is crying

Why do I feel like I'm dying?

That someone might be the child in me

But I can't see her anymore with me

Why do I even bother to write

When I know that everything have an end.

Party with your fears

Right now I am too emotional

Time is moving so fast

I can't do anything to stop it 

Or at least to slow it down

I just want to cry it out 

I can't do that either

I don't know why

You know, it's a feeling

I just can't explain

It comes when I am alone

I feel many things at the same time

Helpless and hopeless

As if I am all alone

The first time I felt this was

When I was in prison in Greece

Yeah, I was in a prison

I did not do anything wrong though

Or did I ?

Maybe we all did, my family

What am I saying...

We escaped from a place

Where we felt like we did not belong

The thing is 

I don't have

A belonging sense 

Anymore...

This might be the reason

Why I feel so alone

Hopeless and helpless

Because I don't belong anywhere.

I don't belong with my family,

I don't belong to any country,

I do not belong to anybody.

It's just me; myself

I don't even belong to myself.

What am I saying...

I escape from the reality

I have a family

I have friends and loved ones

But then, WHY?

Why do I feel this?

This feeling.

I just CANNOT 

F*cKiNg ExpLaIN!!!

I will maybe try again.

Maybe I can associate it

With something normal...

You know that feeling

When you watch a series

Then you watch the final episode ever

You got a weird feeling

As if someone you care about died

This is it

The feeling I have in me...

Not that someone I care about died

But that feeling when something is finished

Forever, and ever

My brain can't process that

Maybe this is it

Maybe I feel like I can't go to Turkey anymore

As if I will never see my relatives there

Or neither see the same race as me

All gathered

I think I need a feeling of belonging

But I don't think I will ever have that

So I just have to learn how to

dance with it...

If my brain can't process that;

If I think too much

I will dance in the dark

All alone

completely silent

My five senses are gone

I am 

Just there

Existing

Partying with my fears...

Honestly I care and act

Sometimes I feel like my poetic side is awakened

I may write depressive thoughts I had

Maybe I write too honest

But there is nothing to be concerned 

I am just learning how to concede myself

When will I ever not be concerned about people though?

I wouldn't write this poem now if I was relaxed

I would think, "Nah, I don't have an impact"

Every human has an impact in fact

This is why I care and act

Alonely

Why feel so lonely

When you know you're not the only one

Surrounded by people 

Who always know better

Why feel so lonely

You can feel the company

Surrounded by an energy

You can't exactly explain

Why do you feel alone

Everyone share their home

But you don't feel at home

You are rather far away from 

Would you ever feel not alone

Considering you've blown away

Left me with memories, I can't get away

Though I never felt home

Would I even feel accompanied

When I'm not capable of

True, and naive love

When I'm not able to

Feel not lonely

- Meia (original)

41 reasons to dislike me

- I like irritating my friends and watching them be irritated 

- I can form a fight into a dead-end so you can't escape it

- I have a lack of social information

- I am not stable

- One day I got too much energy, while the other day I am totally depressed

- I can get very angry at a small thing

- I get angry when my plans won't go as I planned them

- I want to do everything in my way as if it is the right way

- I am childish sometimes

- I am too serious sometimes

- I don't think about what people think of me so I do whatever I want out in public without thinking 

- I think too much about the people I care

- Sometimes my thoughts burry me into the ground, and I feel like I can't escape them

- I always want to be the best, even if I won't tell people

- I want to be perfect at everything that I do

- Sometimes I can't explain what I mean in any language so there are always misunderstandings because of me

- I look like I know what I am doing all the time

- I assume to know how people feel when they talk about their feelings (but maybe i don't)

- I can't do anything while someone is looking at me, I will probably mess it up very bad

- I talk about the past all the time

- I can't get over the past

- Nostalgia became my hobby, which makes me sadder every day

- I want to live in the past all the time because it was when everything was simple

- I am bossy sometimes

- If I dislike you, I will tell you why

- If you dislike me, I will ask why

- If you swear to me I will look at you with a passive-aggressive smile and tell you to continue

- I don't feel like I am myself

- Sometimes I don't know what "me" is supposed to be 

- I help others without thinking about if it has a bad influence on me

- I have many friends I talk to, and sometimes I don't really care about what they are saying but I act as if I do (online friends)

- I make my problems so big that I can't solve them and get eaten by them

- I listen to sad music to make me cry

- I get bored by everything very easily

- I have a tendency to not listen to people around me and do the thing I have in my head

- I never give up, I work until I am dead

- I am very stubborn, you would get tired if you would argue with me

- I overshare my life with some people

- Sometimes I exaggerate a lot of problems when I could solve them 

- Sometimes I exaggerate a story about myself because I like people pitying me

- Now I exaggerate these reasons while I know there will be people saying "Some of these reasons are not a reason to dislike you"

What we stay alive for...

And the human race is filled with passion. 

And medicine, law, business, engineering, 

these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life.

But poetry, beauty, romance, love, 

these are what we stay alive for.

Happy poetry month!

I'm Tangled

I know that holidays are for having a little break. 

RIGHT?

You should have a break from life... 

or at least get a rest or something.

NOPE, not ME!

I am destined to be bothered.

Not that I don't like to be bothered

I like to be bothered, to be honest.

I love that my friends call me, or ask me if I wanna hang out.

I love that my loved ones wanna spend time with me.

I especially love the time I spend with my special one...

BUT;

My body is tired.

My brain is tired.

My physical health is weird.

My mental health is weirder.

I just can't handle "everything", 

all at the same time.

Let me explain what "everything" means

It means; 

Even if someone dies or is injured at work,

I will work, so I have to be prepared to be there and be strong.

Even if I am in a whole different state in my life,

I will get at least a message from a friend, so I have to answer it nicely and be aware of the state of life that person is in right now.

Even if there are children in Turkey waiting for a new home after the earthquake.

I will see my friends, so I will smile and have fun.

Even if I told them what is going on in my brain would make my parents go crazy,

I will talk to my parents, so I have to pretend I am okay and don't make them worry about me.

Even if my teachers say it is a holiday and we must get a little break from school,

I will do homework until I fall asleep and try to learn new things all the time.

Even if my old friend from Turkey won't remember me or care about me anymore,

I will think for at least one minute about her and grieve because I miss her and our good times.

Even if I know my grandmother doesn't remember the things I say after every video chat,

I will talk to her with a smile on my mouth, and cry silently in my bed after that.

Even if I will get tired and use some money that I would choose not to use normally,

I will buy things and drive with my friends because I love them.

Even if it will make me sadder and angrier,

I will think about Turkey and the worldwide political situation.

Even if it will hurt me,

I will think.

Even if...i will not think,

I will hurt me. 

Now you know, 

What i think 

ALL THE TIME

No kidding

No lying

I think others,

I think others,

I think others,

I think me,

I think I need time,

But I don't have enough.

I will never have enough time.

I think I need to be understood,

I need people who understand me.

I think maybe I need to spend time with people who understand me,

Instead of spending time with people who always talk about their problems.

Your problems are my problems,

YES, I am smart and can solve your problems.

You discovered it, Bravo!

But I am not a doll,

I am not a robot,

I am human,

I breathe, 

I live,

I see,

I understand. 

I am not a problem-solving machine.

I wish you did not need to ask me to solve them,

I wish you would ask me how I solved them,

so that you wouldn't need me anymore,

so that you would solve them,

so that;

I would be a human

I would breathe

I would live

I would see

I would understand

myself.

I would solve my problems.

It would solve my problems.

You would set me free,

From this madness,

From this tangle.

Oh, i love the wise quotes

I said it before and, I'll say it again

Life moves pretty fast

If you don't stop and look around once in a while

you could miss it...

Um-

Life is good though,

I want you all to see;

that life is great...

Your life is great too.

Have a good time,

Have some fun..

On the path of love

We are neither masters

Nor the owners of our lives.

We are only a brush in the hand of the 

Master Painter...

My personality confuses people.

I enjoy being alone a lot,

But I'm also outgoing and social.

Sometimes I'm quiet,

sometimes I'm loud.

Sometimes I have nothing to say,

And sometimes I'm spoken.

I read the energy,

and adjust.

I just love those friends 

where you can just meet

for like 30 minutes 

and you just

suddenly

get happy the rest of the day

just because you spent time with them

And I was like, I don't care if I lose everything

I don't care what happens

Nothing really is ours anyway in life

We only borrow it.

Until we die

Then it all goes..

Only thing we truly own in this life is

Moments in time...

This is a moment for me that will

never be erased.

And no matter what happens

This is always gonna be my time

This will be my moment in time

Because I lived here and I was a part of this

Everything else

This bag,

This watch,

These clothes,

They'll all go...

What does it really matter?

Even my body will go.

This is a shell.

But what's inside...

I hope to god that lives forever.

There is a wonderful writer called

Alexander Hayman

Who said;

Home is where people notice when you're not there.

It's OK to feel DOWN

It's OK to CRY

It's OK to SCREAM your loungs out

but,

at the end of all that

remember to STAND once again.

face forward

and Move Again...

You know what my number one fantasy used to be?

I used to think about one day

just not telling anyone

and going off to some random place

and i'd just...

disappear.

And they'd never see me again.

Love your fucking life

Take pictures of everything

tell people you love them

talk to strangers

do that thing you're scared to do

learn to say FUCK IT 

cause nobody remembers a thing we did anyways

so just take your life and

make the best story ever <3

There are only two people in this world,

That you need to make proud.

It's not your mom.

It's not your dad.

Not your husband.

Not your wife.

Not your kids.

It's the 8 years old version of you.

And the 80 years old version of you.

To whoever needs to hear this

It's not selfish to love yourself

To take care of yourself

or to make your happiness your priority

It's necessary.

Where will you go?

Anywhere

Everywhere

Life is Short

World is Wide

I wanna make some memories...

When you stop and think about it

Soulmates come in the form of friends too

It's not just about romance 

A girl who's been alone for a while

Enjoys time by herself 

And enjoys being alone 

Doesn't mind eating alone

Having fun by herself

That's a DANGEROUS GIRL

She's comfortable being by herself 

And realizes her own self worth

Before seeking it somewhere else

She knows her POWER and POTENTIAL

Before giving any part of herself to anybody else

A girl like that, If you find her;

Never let her go...

The type of man I want...

Well, that's easier said than had.

And it's been taking a while,

But don't worry, I'm not mad.

Not in a rush

Because I guess he's patient like me

And some higher power knows something that 

I can't see

Smart and very funny

gentle and so kind

absolutely handsome

and can sometimes read my mind

He makes me feel wanted

voicemails sent to my phone

and we can be at home anywhere

just the two of us

there alone

Turns the music higher

loves to tell me how he fell

Doesn't whisper "I love you"

because he says it with a full yell 

No room for second-guessing

He says exactly what he means

and because we're good partners

I cook and he cleans, 

He cooks and i clean.

Loves to surprise me,

Love to surprise him.

Like how i never saw him coming,

Like how he never saw me coming.

And even if it takes a really long time 

I know he'll love the woman I'm becoming...

Light

 I fall in love with people's passion.

The way their eyes light up when they talk about the thing they love...

The way they fill it with light...

The doors

When we meet people for the first time,

There is a door.

You are holding the door handle on one side,

The other person is holding it on the other side.

If you both try to open it your way,

And push it,

You can't get to know each other

Your vibes don't match each other.

But, if you relax a little bit and open it up against yourself,

And the other person pushes it against you gently.

You will get to know each other.

Thus, after a while, you will push the door against them,

If they relax and let you open it against them,

You will get to know them.

Even better,

You will find a person who matches your vibe.

This can be either a friend, soulmate, or whatever...

I just love it when it happens.

There are people in this world.

Unfortunately and fortunately...

Every person has their own character and movie.

They are their own headliner.

Everyone has their own unique door.

They might open it for some people, 

So that some people can join their movie and bring joy.

They might force it against others, 

So they can't ruin their movie.

This is why sometimes we choose not to talk to people.

We already know that a specific person can bring the movie joy,

Or ruin it.

Again, some wise quotes..

Little miss hopeless romantic

Little miss people pleaser.

Little miss answers your texts right away,

and hands out trust without a second glance.

Little miss falling in love with the type of people,

who need healing more than romance.

Little miss always sees the good.

Little miss making excuses for your unkindness.

Little miss loved you too much.

Little miss couldn't walk away when I knew I should.

Little miss second and third chance,

And fourth and fifth and sixth.

Little miss had ENOUGH.

Little miss began to unravel the lies you told me.

Little miss realizing empty hearts deserve empty hands.

Little miss taking back who I was before all of this.

Little miss realizing that I am worth MORE.

Little miss, i am my little miss before i was ever yours.

What is the bravest thing you ever said?

...
Help.
Asking for help isn't giving up.
It's fighting.

If there is any kind of magic in this world,

 it must be attempt of understanding, sharing something.

I know.

It's almost impossible to succeed,

but,

Who cares, really?

The answer must be the attempt.

Him: I might kiss you.

Her: I might be bad at it...

Him: That's not possible...

My advice to you is please don't ever,

Sit in your room,

And lock yourself away.

Because you don't think you're good enough...

You know, sometimes...

Your mind plays tricks on you.

It can tell you you're no good,

That it's all hopeless.

But I have discovered this,

You are loved,

And important,

And you bring to this world,

things that no one else can.

...

So, hold on.

*hugs*

- The fox (from the boy, the mole, the fox and the horse)

Sometimes, when I'm sad,

I like to watch humans

Being human -

Strangers giggling as they

Step side to side when

Bumping into each other

On the street

Small jumps over puddles

Giving each passing dog a

Little smile and hello

Hugging coffee cup a

Little closer when the

Breeze becomes sharp

Embraces outside cafes

Pausing to smell flowers

And capture sunsets

The human experience 

Delicate and beautiful

I'm scared of getting older, baby

Don't wanna face the world ahead of me

I'm dealing with enough already

I hate

How fast

The time

changes...

Listen, all I'm saying is

It's not my fault you thought I was normal

You had plenty of time

And more than enough clues to figure that shit out

on your own

To the person who will love me,

In the anxiety that I have.

I hope you understand that,

I overthink a lot.

I worry a lot.

I get scared a lot.

I think of the worst.

I expect the bad outcome.

And it's not because I don't care,

Or that I don't trust you.

It's because I care too much,

And I don't trust my Thoughts.

I haven't heard your voice in years

Buts my heart still has conversations with you,

Everyday...

Grief hurts.

And nothing or no one,

Can replace a loved one who's gone.

I have a question for you.

I you could go back in time,

to one day in your life, and 

re-live one single moment.

What would it be?

...it would be a single moment I had with my childhood friend...

And then hold in your heart this prayer...

This day in my life will NEVER come again.

I will never see the people I am looking at again.

I will never see the sunrise again, 

and never see THAT sunset...

I will never see the person having breakfast with me again..

Just THIS way.

No, nothing in my life like THIS,

Will ever come AGAIN.

That alone,

That choice alone,

Should take out of your heart,

...every bitter taste there is.

That it should shape the life around you,

with such grace & such beauty,

and make you ONLY want to see;

THE PRESENT.

With great gratitude,

and love.